Hard Questions

I learned of a tragedy last week that had the potential to shake my faith. A friend of a friend who had been struggling in many areas of life committed suicide by cop a couple of weeks ago. This was disturbing on many levels, since this man was a Christ follower and had prayed with my friend just days before for God's help in his situation. It brought up all kinds of questions for me about just who God is and a lot of "why" questions. If God is in control, how can evil be allowed in this world? Why does crap like this happen? Why do good people die? Where is God's justice in this world? Where is his Spirit, his presence? Where was God when this guy was losing his mind and his life?

These are tricky questions and ones without concrete answers. It's some solace to me that they've been asked of God since biblical times - many Psalms and the book of Job pose these same queries to God. And though I haven't received many solid answers since this happened, I did have a very helpful experience last Monday. I had a short coaching session with an acquaintance in which I was the client. I brought up these tough issues. Turns out, she had been trained as a pastor (coincidence?), and was quite skilled at listening to me "pour out my lament" without judging or trying to provide answers. I learned quite a bit in that session, including:

• God does not prevent us from feeling pain as his followers. What he does is infuse the pain with the possibility of his presence.
• We are called to rely on God, not on pat answers or formulas, or on how God has shown up in past situations. There is a part of me that would much rather create an answer sheet based on what I've seen and experienced from God in the past and disengage from living life with God. That is obviously contrary to the life we are called to - a full, eternal life that begins now as we walk with God every day and allow him to stretch and reform us in his image.
• Relying on the gifts God brings into our lives vs. God is also futile. This one is quite tricky, since human nature is always searching for a substitute for God. What better to fill the role than the gifts he provides? Of course, all things that are visible are temporary. Any time we're misaligned and worshiping God's creations, the rug will surely be pulled out from under us.
• In spite of my not knowing, God still acts. I don't have to have all the answers. It's not all up to me. I am a part of God's story, not the other way around.
• All efforts to construct limits for God will be blown apart. I always thought my image of God was always being challenged and broken apart so that a larger image of God could be created. The problem is, any image we create of God in our minds and hearts is inadequate. God is alive and wild. He cannot be caged, boxed in, or understood completely. We must relate to God as a Person, because he is. We're actually called to a relationship.

Even as I type, I know I will need to be continually reminded of these realities, which is part of the reason I'm blogging about them. These aren't the kinds of paradigm shifts one makes in a day or a week. I have gained a lot from asking these questions and realizing that God is here with us in our darkness and pain, even when we can't sense him and when all evidence around us is contrary to that truth. That's where faith comes in - believing something that flies in the face of worldly evidence.