So let's talk about this thing you're labeling a "failure" for a bit. I want you to think of a lab scientist--white lab coat, hornrims, short hair--got him? Good. Now, think about what happens when he runs an experiment. Let's say he runs an experiment and the results don't support his hypothesis. What does he do? Does he put his head in his hands, weep and moan, and assume he is a failure because the experiment failed? Um no, he just matter-of-factly grabs a clipboard and makes a check in one of two columns. Then what does he do?
He runs the experiment again. He would be a very bad scientist indeed if he only ran every experiment once, then assumed that the single result (success or failure) is the way the experiment will always turn out, no?
OK, so maybe you should try your experiment again. Just sayin.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Do It Again...and Again
“Now you swear and kick and beg us
That you’re not a gambling man
Then you find you’re back in Vegas
With a handle in your hand
You go back Jack do it again
Wheel turnin’ round and round
You go back Jack do it again”
–Do It Again, Steely Dan
“Do it again” - three of the toughest words in the English language. I hate redoing things. I just want everything that I do to be right the first time, and I want those around me to perform the same way. In the past I’ve equated having to do things again with failure. Could it be my expectations are flawed? Said another way, if we’re supposed to get things right the first time, why do we find ourselves doing the same things over, and over, and over…again?
Whether we want to admit it or not, repetition is comforting. There is a part of us that craves the familiar. That’s way we have choruses in music. Ever heard a song without a chorus? It’s hard for most to listen to. You can also see the affinity for repetition in children. Never make a silly face at a four-year-old unless you’re prepared to do it 100 times. And when you have had your fill and say, “OK, this is LAST TIME” and you do repeat the face, what do they say? “AGAIN!”
Repetition aids learning. Are you more apt to remember someone’s name you have only heard once, or one that you’ve heard 100 times? I bet you have had this experience – you listen to a song 1000 times, yet the next time you hear it, you hear something new. It strikes you in a new way. A new message is delivered, despite the content being unchanged. This exact phenomenon happened to me as I was preparing this blog. We don’t hear the whole message the first time we hear the message – ever. Information is always filtered through our minds, through what we’re dealing with in our lives at that moment. So what gets through to us changes each time we hear the message. Plainly said, we are slow to learn. Repetition provides us more opportunities to “get it” in new ways. As Cherie Carter-Scott wrote in her thought-provoking one-pager called “Ten Rules for Being Human”,
“You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, ‘life’. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson. If you’re alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.”
Not only do we naturally like repetition, the world is also designed around cycles. You can observe the presence of cycles in nature as the seasons pass. In addition, every religious tradition in history has its cycle of life and transformation – the Eastern traditions have the karmic wheel, the Christians embrace the cycle of birth, death, and resurrection, and the Jewish tradition tells of moving from bondage, to freedom, then back to exile.
Yet to answer my earlier question, “Why do we find ourselves trapped in seemingly endless cycles of repetition?” we need to go back to the Steely Dan song.
“Now you swear and kick and beg us / That you’re not a gambling man
Then you find you’re back in Vegas / With a handle in your hand”
This is the thing that hit me when preparing this message, even after hearing this song for decades. Do you see it? The slot machine in the song represents the karmic wheel, and our hero has been caught in a lie. And it’s not something he does consciously – he “finds himself” in Vegas with a handle in his hand, pulling it again, and again, and again, each time expecting a jackpot but only getting busted. He is out of integrity – he has said one thing and done another. So he’s on the treadmill. Again.
In my life, I left corporate life in 2005, vowing never to return. I told myself I was committed to finding my true calling regardless of the financial impact to my income. Almost a year later, I was still searching with very few answers and less income. But did I take the jobs offering me half (or less) of my corporate salary for the opportunity to do something “significant”? Nope. Instead, I ran back to my old company, returning to my old salary level, to do it all over again. I acted contrary to my words. The result? “Go back, Jack, do it again.”
So what do you do when you find yourself on the treadmill, stuck in a rut? First of all, relax and put away the self-torture devices. Give yourself some grace and simply notice what’s going on. Strive to become OK with doing things over, especially when you don’t see the point of it all. Sometimes repetition is necessary. We are programmed for it, it helps us learn, and sometimes it points out plainly when we are out of integrity. But it’s not necessarily a “bad” thing. It just is. We are in bondage when we fight against reality. True freedom lies in making new choices in the face of the same stimuli. As T.S. Eliot so eloquently put it, “We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” Said another way by Marcel Proust, “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.” And when you take the time to seriously consider what you may be missing or what you can learn from the present conundrum, that’s when you find the strength to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.
That you’re not a gambling man
Then you find you’re back in Vegas
With a handle in your hand
You go back Jack do it again
Wheel turnin’ round and round
You go back Jack do it again”
–Do It Again, Steely Dan
“Do it again” - three of the toughest words in the English language. I hate redoing things. I just want everything that I do to be right the first time, and I want those around me to perform the same way. In the past I’ve equated having to do things again with failure. Could it be my expectations are flawed? Said another way, if we’re supposed to get things right the first time, why do we find ourselves doing the same things over, and over, and over…again?
Whether we want to admit it or not, repetition is comforting. There is a part of us that craves the familiar. That’s way we have choruses in music. Ever heard a song without a chorus? It’s hard for most to listen to. You can also see the affinity for repetition in children. Never make a silly face at a four-year-old unless you’re prepared to do it 100 times. And when you have had your fill and say, “OK, this is LAST TIME” and you do repeat the face, what do they say? “AGAIN!”
Repetition aids learning. Are you more apt to remember someone’s name you have only heard once, or one that you’ve heard 100 times? I bet you have had this experience – you listen to a song 1000 times, yet the next time you hear it, you hear something new. It strikes you in a new way. A new message is delivered, despite the content being unchanged. This exact phenomenon happened to me as I was preparing this blog. We don’t hear the whole message the first time we hear the message – ever. Information is always filtered through our minds, through what we’re dealing with in our lives at that moment. So what gets through to us changes each time we hear the message. Plainly said, we are slow to learn. Repetition provides us more opportunities to “get it” in new ways. As Cherie Carter-Scott wrote in her thought-provoking one-pager called “Ten Rules for Being Human”,
“You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, ‘life’. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson. If you’re alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.”
Not only do we naturally like repetition, the world is also designed around cycles. You can observe the presence of cycles in nature as the seasons pass. In addition, every religious tradition in history has its cycle of life and transformation – the Eastern traditions have the karmic wheel, the Christians embrace the cycle of birth, death, and resurrection, and the Jewish tradition tells of moving from bondage, to freedom, then back to exile.
Yet to answer my earlier question, “Why do we find ourselves trapped in seemingly endless cycles of repetition?” we need to go back to the Steely Dan song.
“Now you swear and kick and beg us / That you’re not a gambling man
Then you find you’re back in Vegas / With a handle in your hand”
This is the thing that hit me when preparing this message, even after hearing this song for decades. Do you see it? The slot machine in the song represents the karmic wheel, and our hero has been caught in a lie. And it’s not something he does consciously – he “finds himself” in Vegas with a handle in his hand, pulling it again, and again, and again, each time expecting a jackpot but only getting busted. He is out of integrity – he has said one thing and done another. So he’s on the treadmill. Again.
In my life, I left corporate life in 2005, vowing never to return. I told myself I was committed to finding my true calling regardless of the financial impact to my income. Almost a year later, I was still searching with very few answers and less income. But did I take the jobs offering me half (or less) of my corporate salary for the opportunity to do something “significant”? Nope. Instead, I ran back to my old company, returning to my old salary level, to do it all over again. I acted contrary to my words. The result? “Go back, Jack, do it again.”
So what do you do when you find yourself on the treadmill, stuck in a rut? First of all, relax and put away the self-torture devices. Give yourself some grace and simply notice what’s going on. Strive to become OK with doing things over, especially when you don’t see the point of it all. Sometimes repetition is necessary. We are programmed for it, it helps us learn, and sometimes it points out plainly when we are out of integrity. But it’s not necessarily a “bad” thing. It just is. We are in bondage when we fight against reality. True freedom lies in making new choices in the face of the same stimuli. As T.S. Eliot so eloquently put it, “We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.” Said another way by Marcel Proust, “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.” And when you take the time to seriously consider what you may be missing or what you can learn from the present conundrum, that’s when you find the strength to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Multiplying Miracles: Thoughts on John 14:12
John 14:12 "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father."
This passage has always been one that has led me to respond, "Really Lord? You can't be serious." But I think Jesus is serious here. Jesus was fully human and fully divine, yet he was still only one man whose earthly ministry lasted less than four years. Yet he has blessed many of us with long life and a clear ministry that can last decades. Not only that, but we can pass our ministries and missions on to the next generation, steadily growing a vast army of workers to do God's will on earth. Time and communal effort multiply miracles.
Isn't it interesting that Jesus says we will do greater things because he is going to the Father, not despite it? I think Jesus needed to go to the Father instead of remaining on earth to give us space and underscore the reality that we need to take full responsibility for every aspect of our lives in him. This is a tough one for all of us. There always seems to be at least a corner of our hearts that we shield from him, keeping it in the dark, away from his blinding light (or so we think). But of course Jesus has all the time in the world and infinite patience. It is we who are slow to learn (see 2 Peter 3:9).
Friday, February 18, 2011
Movie Review: The King's Speech (2010)
The King's Speech is my story and yours. On the surface, it's a fictionalized account of a reluctant king and his speech coach in 1930's England. But you don't have to dig very deeply to discover layers of symbolism about finding one's voice, facing (and slaying) demons, and the power of relationship waiting to be discovered. Geoffry Rush and Colin Firth are their usual brilliant selves as they parry and thrust their way to a lifelong friendship. Each of them expresses such complete vulnerability on screen that I immediately identified with aspects of each of these characters, and recognized a deep longing inside of myself around other aspects of them.
Rush turns in a performance for the ages (hello, Oscar). I pray I will someday have the absolute, full-bodied confidence in my craft as he has in his. He pushes, pokes, and prods his royal client at just the right time and in just the right way throughout the film to challenge and sharpen him. But he never takes responsibility for Firth's character (the prince and later king). He knows which rules to break and which ones to hold fast to. I especially enjoyed the interactions between Rush and the Archbishop, a symbol of the way things have always been done. He helps his client, Firth, find his voice and stare into the face of his greatest fears, then walk away triumphant. The story and the performance are both dazzling.
Firth's performance may be a bit overlooked here, but shouldn't be. Even though I had seen him in several films, it didn't take long before I was right there with him, feeling his frustration and anger over the lack of ownership of his life and his impotence, expressed through his inability to have even the most basic verbal interactions. He is humiliated to be reduced to working with a commoner, and enters their relationship a broken, wounded, angry man. The emergence of his character is subtle and the performance is perhaps even more brilliant than Rush's.
This is an important film to see, even if you're not a movie fan. Pay special attention to the content of the speech in the final scene. The ideas contained therein are a big reason why, IMHO, the Allies were triumphant in WWII. And the amazing courage displayed by each of these protagonists is the core of the human journey - challenge, failure, struggle, relationship, hard work, emergence, triumph. Bravo, gentlemen. Thank you for this gift to humanity.
Rush turns in a performance for the ages (hello, Oscar). I pray I will someday have the absolute, full-bodied confidence in my craft as he has in his. He pushes, pokes, and prods his royal client at just the right time and in just the right way throughout the film to challenge and sharpen him. But he never takes responsibility for Firth's character (the prince and later king). He knows which rules to break and which ones to hold fast to. I especially enjoyed the interactions between Rush and the Archbishop, a symbol of the way things have always been done. He helps his client, Firth, find his voice and stare into the face of his greatest fears, then walk away triumphant. The story and the performance are both dazzling.
Firth's performance may be a bit overlooked here, but shouldn't be. Even though I had seen him in several films, it didn't take long before I was right there with him, feeling his frustration and anger over the lack of ownership of his life and his impotence, expressed through his inability to have even the most basic verbal interactions. He is humiliated to be reduced to working with a commoner, and enters their relationship a broken, wounded, angry man. The emergence of his character is subtle and the performance is perhaps even more brilliant than Rush's.
This is an important film to see, even if you're not a movie fan. Pay special attention to the content of the speech in the final scene. The ideas contained therein are a big reason why, IMHO, the Allies were triumphant in WWII. And the amazing courage displayed by each of these protagonists is the core of the human journey - challenge, failure, struggle, relationship, hard work, emergence, triumph. Bravo, gentlemen. Thank you for this gift to humanity.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Simplicity and Complexity
I am often surprised by the infinite complexity within any field of study. Physics, sociology, psychology, leadership, theology, cosmology – you could take any of these fields and focus on one of the specialties contained therein for the rest of your life, and never plumb its depths. Eventually, if you stay in any field of study and continue to explore it long enough, you will have explored everything that’s already been discovered, and you become one of the pioneers. You begin to assimilate new understandings and test your own theories based on what you’ve learned and experienced. This is where “original” thought comes into play (though we know nothing is truly “original”, right?).
Becoming a pioneer doesn’t mean we come to the end of a subject, however. I believe that life is constructed to be inherently mysterious, so that as we learn more about a particular subject, part of what we discover is that we can’t know it all. The latest development in physics research (e.g. string theory) is a great example. As we get closer to discovering the very mysteries of how the universe is constructed, the answers get more ambiguous and these great minds eventually just throw up their hands and say collectively, “We don’t know.” This is a comforting reality to me. I don’t want to live in a world that can be plumbed fully. I always want there to be something more to discover, learn, and embody.
On the other hand, the more I learn about the essentials of life, the simpler things get. (Notice I didn’t say “easy”, I said “simple” – many people have written about this distinction). I think life basically boils down to 1) waking up, and 2) growing up (doing our inner work). Most of the energy many of us expend on a daily basis is related to either staying asleep and numbing pain or avoiding the things we really know we need to do. Of course, one must first become aware of something before making a choice to do something about it. And unfortunately, human nature is such that we usually need to feel loads of pain before we’ll actually do something different consistently. And even then, it’s no guarantee substantive change will occur. But the thing that gives me hope here is the centrality of the human will. The will is where decisions are made. Once we make the decision to wake up and grow up, the entire universe begins conspiring to assist us in that effort. All other details begin to align and almost take care of themselves if we make an honest, consistent effort on these two fronts. We don’t even have to succeed; we just need to want to. Whatever “it” is for you, if you really want it – really, really, really – you can get it. But be prepared, it will cost you the illusions you hold most dear.
Becoming a pioneer doesn’t mean we come to the end of a subject, however. I believe that life is constructed to be inherently mysterious, so that as we learn more about a particular subject, part of what we discover is that we can’t know it all. The latest development in physics research (e.g. string theory) is a great example. As we get closer to discovering the very mysteries of how the universe is constructed, the answers get more ambiguous and these great minds eventually just throw up their hands and say collectively, “We don’t know.” This is a comforting reality to me. I don’t want to live in a world that can be plumbed fully. I always want there to be something more to discover, learn, and embody.
On the other hand, the more I learn about the essentials of life, the simpler things get. (Notice I didn’t say “easy”, I said “simple” – many people have written about this distinction). I think life basically boils down to 1) waking up, and 2) growing up (doing our inner work). Most of the energy many of us expend on a daily basis is related to either staying asleep and numbing pain or avoiding the things we really know we need to do. Of course, one must first become aware of something before making a choice to do something about it. And unfortunately, human nature is such that we usually need to feel loads of pain before we’ll actually do something different consistently. And even then, it’s no guarantee substantive change will occur. But the thing that gives me hope here is the centrality of the human will. The will is where decisions are made. Once we make the decision to wake up and grow up, the entire universe begins conspiring to assist us in that effort. All other details begin to align and almost take care of themselves if we make an honest, consistent effort on these two fronts. We don’t even have to succeed; we just need to want to. Whatever “it” is for you, if you really want it – really, really, really – you can get it. But be prepared, it will cost you the illusions you hold most dear.
Monday, August 23, 2010
"Sorry" Doesn't Fix The Mess
My three-year-old continues to be my best teacher. Yesterday he knocked some stuff off the counter. When we called him on it, he apologized immediately. But I said to him, “Thank you for your apology, but it doesn’t fix this mess. Clean it up.” And that’s when it hit me – this is EXACTLY what I do with God! I screw up, God forgives me, then I move on. But too often I don’t stop to see clearly what mess I may have created and take steps to clean it up. I miss the fact that being forgiven merely enables me to clean up my mess, but doesn’t clean it up on its own. This is a basic reality. In fact, this truth is something A.A. gets quite well. Step 9 of the 12 steps reads: “[We] made direct amends to such people (persons harmed) wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”
My messes are rarely physical in nature at this age, but it’s much more difficult to clean up spiritual and emotional messes, isn’t it? A physical mess I can usually take care of myself, but “cleaning up” in the invisible realm usually means admitting I’m wrong and asking someone else for forgiveness or other assistance. It means putting me at risk of being rejected. But it needs to be done, otherwise I find myself facing a years-old mess, which has hardened and festered and is really ugly and pernicious. It’s much harder to begin the cleanup effort when things have reached this stage.
I also find it’s much more difficult to make internal amends than it is to make amends to others. When I’m the one doing the hurting and receiving the injury, I usually need some third-party intervention in order to gain enough perspective to be able to forgive myself and move on. But if the hurt is allowed to continue unhealed, it has dramatic, destructive effects long-term.
What mess do you have to clean up? If something comes to mind, don’t delay, but take a concrete step toward that healing today.
My messes are rarely physical in nature at this age, but it’s much more difficult to clean up spiritual and emotional messes, isn’t it? A physical mess I can usually take care of myself, but “cleaning up” in the invisible realm usually means admitting I’m wrong and asking someone else for forgiveness or other assistance. It means putting me at risk of being rejected. But it needs to be done, otherwise I find myself facing a years-old mess, which has hardened and festered and is really ugly and pernicious. It’s much harder to begin the cleanup effort when things have reached this stage.
I also find it’s much more difficult to make internal amends than it is to make amends to others. When I’m the one doing the hurting and receiving the injury, I usually need some third-party intervention in order to gain enough perspective to be able to forgive myself and move on. But if the hurt is allowed to continue unhealed, it has dramatic, destructive effects long-term.
What mess do you have to clean up? If something comes to mind, don’t delay, but take a concrete step toward that healing today.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Things I Say To My Children That God Is Really Trying To Say To Me
- Take a deep breath.
- Clean up your mess.
- Can you ask nicely?
- What a bummer.
- Look at me.
- I know you don't like the taste of this, but it's for your own good.
- I got you.
- You're safe.
- You can do it.
- Keep trying.
- We make rules because we love you and want you to be safe.
- Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do.
- Keep your pants on, you're not gettng naked. (OK, not this one so much - just seeing if you're paying attention!)
- Hang on with me.
- Take a bite. You'll like it.
- Give me a kiss and a hug.
- That's too bad, there isn't a choice.
- Be gentle.
- No hitting.
- It's not time to play, it's time to ______ (work, eat, sleep, etc.)
- Excellent job, buddy!
- What a sweet baby.
- Shhh.
- I love you.
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