The Present Lighting the Past

My tendency is to throw away past experiences that don't match my current experience. (Actually I think this is a human tendency so I guess that proves it.) So when I have any difficulty, there's a part of me that says, "Oh, all that peace I was feeling before was a lie, and this is reality." But reality consists of both light and shadow, peace and struggle, sunshine and rain. They are both valid and have their place and purpose in life. I may see my past experiences differently in the light of today, but that's just part of presence - allowing my experiences to transform me.

Until I learn this truth completely, I write to remind myself: the miraculous feeling of peace that I had been feeling before the current crisis broke is real and valid. Both situations are gift-givers and teachers. They just come bearing different gifts and teaching different lessons. Or is the lesson the same - "trust in God"? It's a good thing God is eternally patient with us, giving us the rest of our lives to learn that lesson.

Richard Rohr's Daily Message Today

I receive a daily meditation from Richard Rohr's Center for Action and Contemplation. I thought today's message was particularly helpful, so I thought I'd share. You can sign up here: http://www.cacradicalgrace.org/

After the first levels of enlargement, connection or union, and some degree of emancipation, mystical experiences lead to a kind of foundational optimism emerging. We would usually call it hope. You wonder where it comes from, especially in the middle of all these terrible things that are happening in the world. Hope is not logical, but a participation in the very life of God (just like faith and love).
The next descriptor I’d like to add is a sense of safety. Anybody who has ever loved you well or has felt loved by you always feels safe. If you can’t feel safe with a person, you can’t feel loved by them. You can’t trust their love. If, in the presence of God, you don’t feel safe, then I don’t think it’s God—it’s something else. It’s the god that is not God. It’s probably what Meister Eckhart is referring to when he says, “I pray God to free me from God.” He means that the God we all begin with is necessarily a partial God, an imitation God, a word for God, a “try on” God. But as you go deeper into the journey, I promise you, it will always be more spacious and more safe. If you still feel a finger wagging at you, you’re not going deeper. You’re going backwards.

Birds Walking Around

I saw a compelling bumper sticker a few weeks ago: "When birds can't fly, they walk." That got me to thinking about how we're all designed to fly in our own way, but we often limit ourselves to walking instead of flying. Let's face it, flying is dangerous. You can fall and hurt yourself. The fear of the potential pain keeps most of us earthbound. But flying also enables you to travel much farther than walking and see things from a perspective not possible from the ground. It also calls others to flight.

I have often taken pot shots at those "birds" I see soaring near me. How dare they fly around me, taunting me? Can't they see my wings have been clipped, that I'm not able to fly like they do? But it's easy to bring down those who are soaring. It's much more challenging to continue to care for my wounds and work on the healing I need to do in order to get to a state where flying is the most natural thing in the world. This is a state where walking seems silly. This is a state of mind that says to me, "Why wouldn't you just spread your wings and take flight? So what if you fall and get hurt? You'll be able to rise, heal, and try again."

I'm trying desperately to listen to and heed that voice. I pray it will grow stronger as my wings continue to heal and work themselves back and forth, priming themselves for that first (or next) big flight. And I pray that voice grows within you as well.

"Your Life Is Your Life" Quote from Taming Your Gremlin

This quote was so inspiring to me that I copied it and pasted it to my wall. Please let me know if you resonate with it as well or if it brings up questions or thoughts for you. Peace!

"One way or another we all at some point get hit in the face by a blast of wind, open our eyes, and see that we are not only on the bow of a colossal sailboat on an open sea, but that we’re the captain of the damned thing. Once you glimpse this fact of life, you have some choices. You can squeeze your eyes shut and make believe that you don’t have to take the wheel, you can run around flapping your arms and yelling “Somebody take the wheel, somebody take the wheel,” or you can take the wheel and learn to handle it.
If you settle down and trust the wind instead of fearing it, you’ll eventually become pretty good at sailing. You will find that while you don’t know what’s around the next cape, and while you may at times work up a soaking sweat trying to stay afloat in a nasty storm, all in all you can have a fine time sailing where you want to and occasionally you can drop anchor and bask in the sun. The breeze is always blowing, at least a bit, so keep your sails unfurled.
What you do with your life is up to you. It’s not up to your mom, your dad, your spouse, your pals, your coach, or your therapist. It’s all up to you. Just underneath the fear of being in command of your life is outrageous excitement about being in command of it. Best of all is the freedom – the freedom to lead your life your way, testing the waters on your won, getting your very own battle scars, and relishing your own rewards. You may hook up with a sidekick or two in this sea of life, but even those relationships will work best if each of you has a clear sense of ownership of your own life."

An Easter Psalm

You restore me and refresh me, my God.
You call me out of the grave, restoring my soul,
Blowing your breath into me,
Calling me back to life and vibrance.
All the world around me is vibrating with
Your love.

When I quiet the fears and doubts churning
Inside me, when I let them go,
I begin to hum harmonically with those notes.
I participate in the eternal song of praise
And worship that all of creation is singing to You.

Who am I that You would sing your song
Through me?
Who am I that You would come into this
World and do your work through me?
I am unworthy, limited, small, and broken.
Sometimes I think you have the wrong guy.

But then the dawn breaks, your sun shines forth.
And all is new.
And I am new.
And you are real. And here. And alive!

Praise be to the GOD of heaven and earth!
All creation sings together, Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty.
Amen. Alleluia!

Seeds and Stems

I was cleaning some grapes the other day and found myself complaining silently about the stems. “If only it weren’t for these stupid stems, this process would be much easier,” I said to myself. Then I thought, “It’s a good thing these are seedless grapes, because I hate seeds.” But wait, what about that? Where do they get the next generation of seedless grapes, anyway? But I digress.
I then realized that without the stems, there would be nothing attaching the grapes to the vine, so they wouldn’t be able to receive their nutrients. This holds true in life. No stems = no fruit. Likewise, without seeds, there would be no new growth or fruit in life. I don’t have to look far in my life to discover many “stems” - things that may not be very tasty but connect me to Life, and “seeds” - things that don’t bear fruit in my life in and of themselves, but with time, patience, and nurturing will grow into something much larger than themselves and bear fruit of their own. These aspects of life aren’t merely things to tolerate, they are necessary for life to be here in the first place. I’m learning to be thankful for these elements, both literal and figurative, recognizing that even these seemingly meaningless aspects of life still have a purpose in the big picture (of which I can only see a small corner). Engaging them with this attitude transforms my posture from one of defiance and resistance to an open, embracing one. It enables me to remain in a state of gratitude even while a seed gets stuck between my proverbial teeth.

Still Healing

I had surgery to fix a deviated septum in December. The surgery went quite well, but it takes at least eight weeks to feel the full benefits of the procedure. I wanted to be sure I had patience with the process, so I put a reminder on my calendar so it would remind me, "Patience - still healing", twice a week. It really helped me remember to keep my expectations in check and not expect too much, too quickly.
Since then, that thought, "Patience - still healing", has come to mind when I find myself getting twisted up about something in my life being imperfect or just not the way I want it at the moment. There are so many areas which are still healing in my life. And, God willing, I'll continue to heal and grow so eventually the things that bother me today won't be such a big deal. I imagine there will be a whole new layer of challenges to overcome at that time. But I'm beginning to understand that the cycle of being stretched outside of my comfort zone, growing in the ways I'm being called to grow, and being stretched again is all part of the process of life. Without this process, it's easy to fall in to atrophy. Sure, it's painful, but the pain is directly proportional to my investment in my old ways of being or relating to the world. And the gifts that I receive when I embrace this process are way beyond my imagination.
So the next time you find yourself railing against any situation, just tell yourself, "Patience - still healing".