Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Today Is An Ending
Today is an ending of sorts. The experiences you had today are in large part a result of what you habitually focus on and cultivate. As you stand in the garden of your life, what do you see? Are there towering trees that provide shade and fruit and beautiful flowers? Or have weeds taken over? The trees and flowers are the intentional practices and the positive, life-giving aspects of life that you focus on. The weeds are the things that crop up when we're not paying attention. If you're like most people, you probably have both elements. Like tending a garden, it takes regular, repeated effort to remove the weeds and water the trees. As the Chinese proverb states, the best time to plant a tree was twenty years ago, and the second best time is now. What tree can you plant today that will provide you shade and protection in twenty years?
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Driving the Space Shuttle Down the Street
I hear the term "will power" thrown around quite a bit. It usually comes up when people relate their latest failure in doing something they wanted to do. "I just don't have the will power", is a common refrain. When most people refer to their "will power", I don't think they're actually referring to the power of their human will (aka spirit or heart). Our will is designed to be the place where decisions are made for the rest of our selves. It's supposed to be in charge. But most of us don't navigate life by our will; instead, we navigate by emotions, thoughts, or by our bodily urges.
The problem with going through life this way is that our will ends up at the end of the line, pulled around by the other parts of ourselves instead of leading them. These other components have a fleeting, unpredictable nature. This means that whenever we're navigating life by one of them instead of our will, we will of course be on a roller coaster in our lives instead of walking on a wide plateau of stability.
I must confess that I have spent much of my life navigating life by my emotions. In fact, I recently realized that I have identified with my emotional state for much of my life. In other words, I have equated my emotional state to who I am as a person. This put incredible pressure on myself to monitor and manage my emotions. If I was feeling less than ideal, I would do all I could to stamp out that emotional state or change it as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, this meant that I was often short-changing myself in my emotional life by not allowing my emotions to be present or to allowing them to be processed naturally.
I now realize (through a painful process of self-discovery) that I am not my emotions. Rather, my emotions come and go, but they don't affect my true self, or heart (spirit/will).
We often complain that we don't enough power to change the things we want to in our lives. The simile that I sprang to mind around this idea was this: navigating life by our emotions (or any other component) instead of our will is like trying to drive the space shuttle down the street and then complaining that we can't navigate it properly. The space shuttle is not designed to drive down the street, it's designed to go into space. Likewise, the human will is actually designed with power to do things beyond our wildest dreams. But we relegate it to tasks it wasn't designed for, and put it out of order. The result is frustration and failure. But putting our will in the center and navigating by it is like lighting those boosters - it unleashes a level of power so immense that it will carry us right beyond our barriers into the stratosphere of our lives, where anything is possible and there's nothing holding us back.
The problem with going through life this way is that our will ends up at the end of the line, pulled around by the other parts of ourselves instead of leading them. These other components have a fleeting, unpredictable nature. This means that whenever we're navigating life by one of them instead of our will, we will of course be on a roller coaster in our lives instead of walking on a wide plateau of stability.
I must confess that I have spent much of my life navigating life by my emotions. In fact, I recently realized that I have identified with my emotional state for much of my life. In other words, I have equated my emotional state to who I am as a person. This put incredible pressure on myself to monitor and manage my emotions. If I was feeling less than ideal, I would do all I could to stamp out that emotional state or change it as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, this meant that I was often short-changing myself in my emotional life by not allowing my emotions to be present or to allowing them to be processed naturally.
I now realize (through a painful process of self-discovery) that I am not my emotions. Rather, my emotions come and go, but they don't affect my true self, or heart (spirit/will).
We often complain that we don't enough power to change the things we want to in our lives. The simile that I sprang to mind around this idea was this: navigating life by our emotions (or any other component) instead of our will is like trying to drive the space shuttle down the street and then complaining that we can't navigate it properly. The space shuttle is not designed to drive down the street, it's designed to go into space. Likewise, the human will is actually designed with power to do things beyond our wildest dreams. But we relegate it to tasks it wasn't designed for, and put it out of order. The result is frustration and failure. But putting our will in the center and navigating by it is like lighting those boosters - it unleashes a level of power so immense that it will carry us right beyond our barriers into the stratosphere of our lives, where anything is possible and there's nothing holding us back.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
In and Out
Language is so interesting. What we call "expressions" do just that - they express deeper or underlying truths about how we understand or relate to reality. Think about the way we use the word "out" in various expressions. We work things out, act out, give out (good or bad vibes), make out, hug it out, bring things out (into the open), we go out, figure it out, people are regularly "outed". These expressions usually relate to the release or revelation of a secret or energy, or of resolution of a dissonance.
Of course, the opposite word, "in", has just as many related expressions. We are hemmed in, boxed in, shut in, the walls close in, our guts are sucked in. These expressions usually relate to invisible things - thoughts, feelings, fears, emotions, judgements, motivations. The underlying idea here is that there is something "in" that is begging to come "out". Something hidden that is revealed. I think we try to hide things from ourselves, and from God. But whether consciously or unconsciously, fun or painful, all things come out, all things are revealed.
Jesus even talked about this in Mark 4:22, "For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open." So often this world reflects truths into our lives on a small scale that are true on a large scale. I believe that's how God constructed our world - to be a reflection of and point back to Himself. So if that's true, it's quite a realization-that there's no such thing as a secret, and we can only deceive ourselves for a short period of time before the truth comes "out".
What secrets are you keeping from others in your life (not just "bad" things, but what glorious things are you keeping in)? What secrets are you keeping from yourself? What things are you keeping in that are dying to get out? What would you be risking by letting them out?
Of course, the opposite word, "in", has just as many related expressions. We are hemmed in, boxed in, shut in, the walls close in, our guts are sucked in. These expressions usually relate to invisible things - thoughts, feelings, fears, emotions, judgements, motivations. The underlying idea here is that there is something "in" that is begging to come "out". Something hidden that is revealed. I think we try to hide things from ourselves, and from God. But whether consciously or unconsciously, fun or painful, all things come out, all things are revealed.
Jesus even talked about this in Mark 4:22, "For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open." So often this world reflects truths into our lives on a small scale that are true on a large scale. I believe that's how God constructed our world - to be a reflection of and point back to Himself. So if that's true, it's quite a realization-that there's no such thing as a secret, and we can only deceive ourselves for a short period of time before the truth comes "out".
What secrets are you keeping from others in your life (not just "bad" things, but what glorious things are you keeping in)? What secrets are you keeping from yourself? What things are you keeping in that are dying to get out? What would you be risking by letting them out?
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Codependency
I used to travel a lot for business, so I was always in airports. One day, I saw what I assume was a mother and daughter, carrying a bag. They weren't each carrying a bag, mind you. They were carrying one bag between them. It was a large duffel bag, with two handles. The mother had one strap and the daughter had another, and they were attempting to walk side by side. This caused the weight of the bag to shift violently back and forth, making it very difficult for them to carry it. As a result, they looked quite comical trying to walk this way down the airport hallway. They had to stop every few steps to rest, and were obviously quite annoyed at one another.
I immediately thought that this was a great illustration of codependency. I think often we get caught up in trying to carry a burden for someone else that they have the ability to carry. Our implicit message in these moments is, "You can't handle this, you must need me to rescue you." We also say to God through our actions, "You are mistaken. My (husband, wife, sister, brother friend) doesn't have what it takes to shoulder this burden. So I need to take over for you here."
Or, we look for help in carrying a burden that is meant for us. Either way, we end up like this mother and daughter - exhausted, frustrated, and not very productive. In this example, either person in the drama could have stopped and volunteered to shoulder the burden, even if it was for a short time. Then the other could have stepped in when the first person was unable to continue.
I can hear you now. "But Art, what about in Galatians 6:2, where it says, 'Carry each other's burdens...'?" I'm glad you asked! To be clear, I'm not talking about when one person has a legitimate need for assistance and communicates that need clearly and openly. I think Paul is talking about buoying or lifting our brothers and sisters up for a short time, not a systemic situation wherein the ownership is abdicated to the helper. And he goes on to say in verse 5, "...for each one should carry his own load." Plus, I think the urge to rescue people when they don't need it is almost always about the person doing the rescuing - about their limitations and comfort. It's just dressed up as "helping" the other person.
Are there situations where you're holding one of those straps in your life? Who is holding the other one? Are there burdens that you need to set down, to allow the rightful owner to shoulder the load? Or are there things that your loved ones are helping you carry that you really are able to carry on your own?
I immediately thought that this was a great illustration of codependency. I think often we get caught up in trying to carry a burden for someone else that they have the ability to carry. Our implicit message in these moments is, "You can't handle this, you must need me to rescue you." We also say to God through our actions, "You are mistaken. My (husband, wife, sister, brother friend) doesn't have what it takes to shoulder this burden. So I need to take over for you here."
Or, we look for help in carrying a burden that is meant for us. Either way, we end up like this mother and daughter - exhausted, frustrated, and not very productive. In this example, either person in the drama could have stopped and volunteered to shoulder the burden, even if it was for a short time. Then the other could have stepped in when the first person was unable to continue.
I can hear you now. "But Art, what about in Galatians 6:2, where it says, 'Carry each other's burdens...'?" I'm glad you asked! To be clear, I'm not talking about when one person has a legitimate need for assistance and communicates that need clearly and openly. I think Paul is talking about buoying or lifting our brothers and sisters up for a short time, not a systemic situation wherein the ownership is abdicated to the helper. And he goes on to say in verse 5, "...for each one should carry his own load." Plus, I think the urge to rescue people when they don't need it is almost always about the person doing the rescuing - about their limitations and comfort. It's just dressed up as "helping" the other person.
Are there situations where you're holding one of those straps in your life? Who is holding the other one? Are there burdens that you need to set down, to allow the rightful owner to shoulder the load? Or are there things that your loved ones are helping you carry that you really are able to carry on your own?
Saturday, May 24, 2008
A Metaphor For Personal Growth
Last October, I was in the Bahamas with some friends of mine for a conference called "Soularize", which is characterized as a "learning party". Richard Rohr, Brennan Manning, and NT Wright were also there. Those names may or may not mean anything to you, but suffice it to say it was cool. We had a blast, of course.
On one of our last days there, I was sitting on our hotel room's balcony, looking out at the ocean. On the horizon I could see the lights of a cruise ship. It was apparently anchored, since it didn't appear to be moving. I turned my attention to the palm trees being blown by the wind and the surf. When I looked up a few minutes later, the ship was in a different place on the horizon. Yet if I stared at it, I couldn't see any movement at all.
I think growth is like that. If we constantly examine and measure ourselves, we're going to see very little movement from moment to moment, day to day. We'll appear as that ship - like we're not moving. But if we just turn our attention to doing what we can each day, and take note of where we happen to be on a regular basis, we'll look back and be amazed at the level of growth and transformation that has occurred in our lives. Asian cultures refer to this concept as "chopping wood and carrying water" - doing what we need in each moment and not concerning ourselves with "things too wonderful" for us.
The way I take note is just to write down on a regular basis (not daily, but several times per week) what I'm going through, the questions I'm living in, and what I feel God is showing me about life, about me, and about Him. I've been journaling in this way for nearly eight years, and it's easily the most powerful personal growth tool I have.
Like that ship, we're always moving. We're either moving toward God and toward our true selves, or we're moving away from God and ourselves. Which way are you moving in the various aspects of your life? How do you know?
On one of our last days there, I was sitting on our hotel room's balcony, looking out at the ocean. On the horizon I could see the lights of a cruise ship. It was apparently anchored, since it didn't appear to be moving. I turned my attention to the palm trees being blown by the wind and the surf. When I looked up a few minutes later, the ship was in a different place on the horizon. Yet if I stared at it, I couldn't see any movement at all.
I think growth is like that. If we constantly examine and measure ourselves, we're going to see very little movement from moment to moment, day to day. We'll appear as that ship - like we're not moving. But if we just turn our attention to doing what we can each day, and take note of where we happen to be on a regular basis, we'll look back and be amazed at the level of growth and transformation that has occurred in our lives. Asian cultures refer to this concept as "chopping wood and carrying water" - doing what we need in each moment and not concerning ourselves with "things too wonderful" for us.
The way I take note is just to write down on a regular basis (not daily, but several times per week) what I'm going through, the questions I'm living in, and what I feel God is showing me about life, about me, and about Him. I've been journaling in this way for nearly eight years, and it's easily the most powerful personal growth tool I have.
Like that ship, we're always moving. We're either moving toward God and toward our true selves, or we're moving away from God and ourselves. Which way are you moving in the various aspects of your life? How do you know?
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Open Arms Prayer
I realized recently that it's not possible to give someone anything if their hands are clenched tightly around what they already have. I could be holding a pile of crap, and God could be trying to give me something beyond my wildest dreams, but unless I let go and allow Him to remove that thing I'm holding onto, I won't receive it in my life.
So I wrote down this Open Arms prayer. I have gone back to it several times since I first wrote it, so I thought I would share it here. I hope it finds you well and serves you as it has me. Peace.
Open Arms Prayer
Dear Lord, I open my hands and my arms to you.
I allow you to remove things from my grasp that do not serve you.
I surrender control to you, and pray that you will fill my arms with exactly what's needed to bring me closer to you; be they trials or triumphs, joy or pain.
I accept all that is in my life today as a gift so that I may know you, know that I am in you and that you are in me, and become the person you are calling me to be today.
Amen. Alleluia!
So I wrote down this Open Arms prayer. I have gone back to it several times since I first wrote it, so I thought I would share it here. I hope it finds you well and serves you as it has me. Peace.
Open Arms Prayer
Dear Lord, I open my hands and my arms to you.
I allow you to remove things from my grasp that do not serve you.
I surrender control to you, and pray that you will fill my arms with exactly what's needed to bring me closer to you; be they trials or triumphs, joy or pain.
I accept all that is in my life today as a gift so that I may know you, know that I am in you and that you are in me, and become the person you are calling me to be today.
Amen. Alleluia!
Starting Anew
I had a false start there, in February. Had a couple of pretty interesting posts, I think. But now I'm going to blog in earnest - at least weekly, and I'd like to shoot for more often. I am looking forward to getting the writing practice and sharing my ideas with yall. Let me know if something I have written sparks something in you. I'm always looking to share ideas and have great conversations. Peace.
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