Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Essential Connections - Will

The human will is the most precious gift ever bestowed on humanity. According to Dallas Willard in his book “Renovation of the Heart”, the purpose of our will is to be the executive center of our selves. It is intended to serve as the place where our decisions get made. He also refers to it as the heart or spirit. Think of the will as the part of you that’s in charge (on your better days at least).

One way to monitor the state of your will is to pay attention to your attitude or posture. Attitude and posture are two very closely related words that relate to how we show up in the world. When you wake up, what is the first thought in your mind? Is it one of dread, fear, or guilt? Or is it full of hope, joy, and gratitude? These thought patterns are another habit that actually can be influenced greatly by your attitude. We have the ability to focus on whatever we want to in our lives, and to interpret our experiences in any way we choose. So you can train yourself to look for the good in every situation and to pay attention to the beauty and joy that surrounds you. Yes, I know that there is also plenty of pain, evil, and struggle in this world. I’m not denying their existence. But there are also an abundance of free gifts that we all get to partake in simply because we are alive. And being grateful for the gifts you have in your life already will help you build the strength of will needed to face the dark and difficult areas of life.

What happens when our will gets misused? A major issue occurs when we attach our will to any other functional part of our selves, or worse yet, our experiences. This can happen so gradually and subtly that it’s hard to know that it’s happening until you find yourself trapped or facing a set of choices, none of which seem appealing. The example I’ll use here is attaching our will to our emotions, since I’m a bit of an expert on that one. This habit moves our emotions to the center, and drags the rest of us along with them. I don’t have to tell you that emotions are fleeting. If you’re a human, you have experienced strong emotions and mood swings. The fact that emotions are temporal and intense isn’t necessarily bad. Emotions serve a great purpose in our lives. They help bring texture and color to life. The problem comes when we put them in the driver’s seat. They tend to run us right into the nearest tree. Ouch.

How do you know if your will is strong? The best way to monitor the strength of your will is to simply pay attention to your decision making. Do you do what you say you’re going to do? This applies to what you say to others and what you say to yourself. If you follow through on your commitments, your will is strong. If not, then your will needs work. The good news is we can exercise it like any other part of our selves. How do we exercise our will? By making decisions. To practice exercising your will, take yourself off autopilot for a time and pay attention to the kinds of decisions you usually make automatically. Then you can decide consciously if you want to continue to make those decisions in that way or not. If you want to change those patterns, you can create new habits to change your “default setting”. It takes time and effort, but it IS possible to change these habits. Keep working at it, you are worth it!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Essential Connections-Thoughts and Emotions

Another functional part of yourself that it’s important to connect with on a daily basis is your mind. There are two main ways you interact with your mind, through your thoughts and emotions.

Thoughts - If you don’t monitor your thoughts, it’s easy to let them run away with you, color your experience, and define you. We don’t operate directly on the world, but on maps of reality that we create in our heads. There’s simply too much data to be aware of simultaneously, so everyone deletes major portions of their experience to cope with life mentally. The parts that you keep hold of form maps of what “reality” is like for you. There is an objective reality “out there”, but no human has ever operated in it (OK, excluding Jesus).

Do you want to know what your map of reality is like? Monitor your thoughts. Your thoughts are mirrors on the maps of reality in your head. They reveal the assumptions, paradigms, and focus areas of your mental habits. Are your thoughts filled with negativity and judgment, or positive messages and grace? If you don’t like the answer you provided to that question, you can change your mental maps.

Neuroscience has recently named a phenomenon called “neuroplasticity”, which is a fancy term for a simple reality; that is, that the mind is always changing, regardless of age. It turns out you CAN teach an old dog new tricks. All it really takes is enough energy (usually emotional, see below) and some knowledge about how the mind works to reshape the maps in your head. If you’re like most people, though, you’ll probably need the help of a professional coach or counselor (or at least a trusted friend who will call you out when they smell your B.S.) to do so.

Emotions- Thoughts and emotions are so intertwined that you can scarcely write about one without mentioning the other. There is some debate about what comes first, but either way we know that thoughts and emotions fuel each other and work together (for good or ill) in our minds. The next time you are experiencing strong emotions, notice the thoughts that are going through your head. Where are they coming from? I’m not sure exactly, but I do know that your mental habits have a direct and powerful effect on what you feel. Don’t get me wrong - I’m not saying we shouldn’t feel strong emotions. Emotions are meant to be felt, so denying that they are there is unhealthy and going against how we are designed. The only unhealthy emotion is the unexpressed emotion.

We also learn from science that energy is not created or destroyed, it just changes form. So when we have unexpressed emotions, they don’t go anywhere. When we access them after being disconnected from them, we will likely feel waves of emotion that are out of balance with the current stimulus. The deeper the level of emotion, the stronger it will come out when tapped back into. But if we remain with them, allowing them to be felt and processed, pretty soon they will subside to normal levels.

Also, emotions are real but not necessarily true. When you’re feeling badly, it’s tough to see that life will ever be different from how you are experiencing in the moment. But the truth is, if we don’t latch onto and identify with our emotions, but let them flow through us naturally, they will subside on their own. The problem comes when you identify with something as transient as emotions, you put yourself on a roller coaster ride that isn’t that much fun after a while.

Like mental habits, we also have emotional habits. We have the freedom to interpret any experience in any way we wish. In other words, meaning is experience-agnostic. But as you learn to identify a certain set of stimuli to mean something, it becomes rather difficult to change what that stimuli means to you on a low level, subconscious/emotional level.

Again, these habits can be changed but in order to get the most bang for your buck, work with an expert in the field - a coach or counselor - to change the meaning of your experiences into useful drivers of positive change.

Next up: Will

Monday, June 8, 2009

Essential Connections-Diet and Exercise

Another key connection point every day is our bodies. We take our bodies for granted much of the time; that is, until they break down. But just like a car, the daily care that you give your body largely determines how it will perform in the long run.

Specifically, what you put into your body (the “fuel”, if you will) is very important. You wouldn’t expect a high performance car to run on low quality fuel. The same holds for your body. So be aware of what you feed your body and how you engage it every day. Three areas to call out are water, food, and exercise.

Water: The first area to highlight here is water intake. Most people are chronically dehydrated. Try to keep a water bottle with you and track how much water you are drinking every day. Most adults needs 64 oz. at a minimum. This doesn’t take into account water lost through sweat due to exercise (see below for more on exercise). So drink, drink, drink - it’s nearly impossible to get too much water.

Food: Secondly, the food you take in has a direct and cumulative effect on your body. Get 5-7 servings of fruits and vegetables every day. Trust me, I know this is difficult. I don’t usually achieve that goal. But hey, trying and falling short is better than not having a goal. Also limit your fat and sugar intake.

Exercise: Another great way to connect with your body is to get some sort of physical exercise each day. I’m not talking about running 10 miles or training for a triathlon. But do try to get 20-30 minutes of activity every day at a minimum. Personally, I like to get my workout done in the morning. It helps to kick my day off right and get my metabolism jump-started. I know this doesn't work for everyone’s schedules, but regardless of what time of day, it’s best to work out at the same time each day so your body gets used to it.

I know you already know all this stuff. Heck, I’m writing the post and I don’t do all of this consistently. But again, having a goal to aspire to is a good thing. It stretches you and gets you out of your comfort zone.

Need I remind you that this is the only body you get in this life? Yep, I’m sorry to break it to you. So take care of yourself. It’s your job, not anyone else’s.

Next up: Connecting with your mind and emotions.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Essential Connections-Rest

The need for rest and renewal is one of the most fundamental needs we have as humans. If you haven’t noticed, it’s not possible to run at a breakneck pace ad infinitum. In our society of 24 hour drive thru’s and all night infomercials, it’s sometimes tough to remember that we really need downtime each day. And I’m not just talking about resting from physical activity, but mental activity as well. It’s all too easy to stop moving physically, but remain engaged mentally. This arrhythmic approach to life is doomed to failure. Sooner or later, you will have an “accident”, sickness, or other crisis that will force you to slow the heck down a little bit.

So instead, why not build some rhythms of disengagement and rest into your day? The first thing to monitor is your sleep. Most adults need six hours of interrupted sleep at a bare minimum, and many of us need much more than that. Just as important as quantity is quality. One way to ensure high quality sleep is to have a consistent bedtime and waking time. This is easier said than done, but very important. You should also stop drinking water about two hours before bedtime to minimize the midnight potty runs. Also beware of reading and watching TV in bed. These activities can confuse your brain, sending it signals to wake up instead of signaling it to sleep. There are many resources online for many tips on quality sleep in addition to these.

During the day, have set times when you disengage from whatever you are doing, and clear your head. If you work at a desk, walk around and visualize setting down everything you are carrying in your mind. I try to get outside a couple of times a day at least to connect with nature (more on connecting with nature in an upcoming post). For me, lunchtime is sacred as well. I try to have a book with me so I can shift gears away from work and renew my mind a bit. It also helps to break up the day and helps me gather the energy needed to accomplish my afternoon goals. If I’m feeling really tired or worn down, I take some time over lunch to listen to a guided meditation. Meditation is cool because, once you get good at it, you can shift your brain into a slower, rejuvenating brain wave cycle that has the same positive effects of sleep; it just happens more quickly.

Bottom line, honoring your body’s need for rest and renewal is one of the most fundamentally caring things you can do for yourself. It may take going against the grain and creating some new habits, but I think you’ll find the positive benefits of healthy rest habits are well worth the effort.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Self Absorption

I busted myself last week trying desperately to gain a sense of peace by managing my external circumstances instead of managing my internal state. As long as everything was perfectly calm around me, I gave myself permission to be at peace. But as soon as anything went contrary to how I had envisioned it, I allowed it to disturb me.
Once I realized what I was doing, I also realized how silly it was to try to gain peace of mind this way. This approach puts us at the mercy of our circumstances. It is like focusing on the surface of the water and trying to keep it still in order to catch a reflection of the sky. All the while, we can simply raise our eyes heavenward and see the sky directly. There's no need for the surface of the water to be still as a prerequisite.
God doesn't promise a life with no tension or storms, but rather an Eternal Presence in the midst of those difficulties. Just lift your gaze beyond yourself and you will be amazed at the peace and clarity God will provide even in the midst of incredible difficulties.

Essential Connections

A person's quality of life really boils down to relationships. Not only relationships with other people, which are key, but relationships with other things such as our own minds, bodies, emotions, and spirits; relationships with God, nature, food, and money. How do we ensure we have good relationships with these elements in our lives? Each of these relationships needs to be maintained through intentional connections on a regular (daily) basis. There are fundamental practices in which we can engage to ensure healthy connections in our lives. Over the next few entries, I'm going to take some time to expound on some of the most important of these connections in my mind. I promise it won't take months to get through the series! =-]