I had a really hard day the other day. It wasn't because I had a lot of work to do. In fact, my workload wasn't that overwhelming at all. The problem was I didn't want to anything. My attitude stunk. I ended up talking with friends and procrastinating all morning long. I didn't get a thing accomplished in the morning. But the most incredible thing happened-at lunch, I prayed that God would help me reset my attitude and jump into my work in the afternoon. I was able to let go of the temper tantrum that had gripped me in the morning and actually had a very productive afternoon.
This made me think of how our days are less like a neatly arranged plate of food and more like a bowl of stew. If we're open to it, new emotions, motivations, and interpretations of our experiences will meet us in unexpected ways. But I think God enjoys showing up in the context of real life vs. in a planned church program or other compartmentalized experience. Like a bowl of stew, we may be be surprised by the chunks we eat in a day. We may dine on the spiritual equivalent of vegetables one day, and the next day chewing on chunks of meat (harder to chew, but much more nourishing). But usually, it will be both. It's up to us to really be present to taste our experience and enjoy it if possible.
I tend to want to break life apart and compartmentalize and reduce it so I can have control over it and reduce my spiritual "risk". Unfortunately, life is not compartmentalized and neatly arranged. Life is a mess. Joy, love, happiness, pain, sadness, stress - they are all thrown into the same pot for us to eat. If you feel you have complete understanding of something, it's either not living/inert, a reduction or facsimile of the truth, or you are mistaken. We can apprehend life, but we cannot comprehend it fully. To believe otherwise it to be disillusioned and set up for a painful fall as we are humbled by the Creator and put in our place as His creation.
What things do you reduce and break apart to gain control over? What fear are you dampening through this activity? What blessings are you missing by dwelling on the "chunks" of life that you don't want to "eat"?
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Hard Questions
I learned of a tragedy last week that had the potential to shake my faith. A friend of a friend who had been struggling in many areas of life committed suicide by cop a couple of weeks ago. This was disturbing on many levels, since this man was a Christ follower and had prayed with my friend just days before for God's help in his situation. It brought up all kinds of questions for me about just who God is and a lot of "why" questions. If God is in control, how can evil be allowed in this world? Why does crap like this happen? Why do good people die? Where is God's justice in this world? Where is his Spirit, his presence? Where was God when this guy was losing his mind and his life?
These are tricky questions and ones without concrete answers. It's some solace to me that they've been asked of God since biblical times - many Psalms and the book of Job pose these same queries to God. And though I haven't received many solid answers since this happened, I did have a very helpful experience last Monday. I had a short coaching session with an acquaintance in which I was the client. I brought up these tough issues. Turns out, she had been trained as a pastor (coincidence?), and was quite skilled at listening to me "pour out my lament" without judging or trying to provide answers. I learned quite a bit in that session, including:
These are tricky questions and ones without concrete answers. It's some solace to me that they've been asked of God since biblical times - many Psalms and the book of Job pose these same queries to God. And though I haven't received many solid answers since this happened, I did have a very helpful experience last Monday. I had a short coaching session with an acquaintance in which I was the client. I brought up these tough issues. Turns out, she had been trained as a pastor (coincidence?), and was quite skilled at listening to me "pour out my lament" without judging or trying to provide answers. I learned quite a bit in that session, including:
- God does not prevent us from feeling pain as his followers. What he does is infuse the pain with the possibility of his presence.
- We are called to rely on God, not on pat answers or formulas, or on how God has shown up in past situations. There is a part of me that would much rather create an answer sheet based on what I've seen and experienced from God in the past and disengage from living life with God. That is obviously contrary to the life we are called to - a full, eternal life that begins now as we walk with God every day and allow him to stretch and reform us in his image.
- Relying on the gifts God brings into our lives vs. God is also futile. This one is quite tricky, since human nature is always searching for a substitute for God. What better to fill the role than the gifts he provides? Of course, all things that are visible are temporary. Any time we're misaligned and worshiping God's creations, the rug will surely be pulled out from under us.
- In spite of my not knowing, God still acts. I don't have to have all the answers. It's not all up to me. I am a part of God's story, not the other way around.
- All efforts to construct limits for God will be blown apart. I always thought my image of God was always being challenged and broken apart so that a larger image of God could be created. The problem is, any image we create of God in our minds and hearts is inadequate. God is alive and wild. He cannot be caged, boxed in, or understood completely. We must relate to God as a Person, because he is. We're actually called to a relationship.
Even as I type, I know I will need to be continually reminded of these realities, which is part of the reason I'm blogging about them. These aren't the kinds of paradigm shifts one makes in a day or a week. I have gained a lot from asking these questions and realizing that God is here with us in our darkness and pain, even when we can't sense him and when all evidence around us is contrary to that truth. That's where faith comes in - believing something that flies in the face of worldly evidence.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Power vs. Control
I recently figured something out that has sweeping implications for me. I realized that there is a big difference between "power" and "control". Power is defined as the ability to act or accomplish something. Control, on the other hand, is focused around dominating or exercising restraint or command over something.
As human beings, we are imbued with an incredible amount of power. We have power beyond our understanding and imagination. The vast majority of our power is never tapped consciously. Instead, we often end up as victims of our own subconscious as it feeds back to us unconscious beliefs, fears, and hangups that we have fed it all our lives. One of the keys to fulfillment is to look into these dark areas and bring the lies and limitations that usually remain hidden to light.
By contrast, we have control over very little in our lives. We cannot control the economic or family situation we are born into, or the wounds and limitations of our families. We cannot control the weather or what obstacles we may encounter each day. We can only control our attitudes and responses to what life throws at us. And since most of us don't understand how to do this in a conscious way, we don't even take control over the precious little that we have domain over in our lives.
Why is this distinction so important? I have often gotten the two confused, to my detriment. I have a pattern of getting really excited about something new in my life and attempting to seize control of it until I choke all the life and fun out of it, then disengaging completely, moving on to a new area of focus. This usually happens in areas in which I have a natural talent. I get excited about how much power I can bring to a challenge, and I want to control all aspects of the area - how, when, and how often I get to express my power. But since I don't have domain over that, I end up being frustrated that things aren't happening just as I'd have them happen, and I often give up.
Coaching was like this for me. I got so excited last year when I learned about coaching and how natural it was for me. I knew down deep that I had discovered a key vocational expression for myself. After I earned my certification, I thought clients would simply pour in to my practice without my having to lift a finger. This didn't happen, of course. When it didn't happen like I wanted it to, I stopped all my efforts to learn and express the craft of coaching and my coaching "muscles" fell into atrophy. It wasn't until November that I realized I had fallen into this pattern and got engaged again in the pursuit of coaching mastery.
I think this distinction is especially crucial for Christians. As followers of Christ, we hear so often that we are to surrender to God and to God's will for our lives. But too often, I think we stop exercising the most precious gift in the world - that of the human will. The power of the human will cannot be overestimated. Just witness the people who, through sheer human determination (will) accomplish amazing feats, even without a conscious understanding of who God is or a conscious relationship with Him (I say "conscious relationship" because we all have a relationship to God, but sometimes we don't acknowledge it). But God's will for us is to have a full, vibrant, dynamic life. In order to have this life he wants for us, we need to exercise our will. We need to figure out what it is we really want and go for it. We need to dream, take chances, strive, and fail. We need to come to the end of ourselves so we can recognize our abject need for His strength. To me, a big part of surrender is surrendering my right to be lazy, to give up easily in the face of obstacles. If we can do all things through Him who strengthens us, we have no excuse to be defeated by this world's challenges. We just have to rely on God to supply the strength that we cannot muster in crucial moments.
As human beings, we are imbued with an incredible amount of power. We have power beyond our understanding and imagination. The vast majority of our power is never tapped consciously. Instead, we often end up as victims of our own subconscious as it feeds back to us unconscious beliefs, fears, and hangups that we have fed it all our lives. One of the keys to fulfillment is to look into these dark areas and bring the lies and limitations that usually remain hidden to light.
By contrast, we have control over very little in our lives. We cannot control the economic or family situation we are born into, or the wounds and limitations of our families. We cannot control the weather or what obstacles we may encounter each day. We can only control our attitudes and responses to what life throws at us. And since most of us don't understand how to do this in a conscious way, we don't even take control over the precious little that we have domain over in our lives.
Why is this distinction so important? I have often gotten the two confused, to my detriment. I have a pattern of getting really excited about something new in my life and attempting to seize control of it until I choke all the life and fun out of it, then disengaging completely, moving on to a new area of focus. This usually happens in areas in which I have a natural talent. I get excited about how much power I can bring to a challenge, and I want to control all aspects of the area - how, when, and how often I get to express my power. But since I don't have domain over that, I end up being frustrated that things aren't happening just as I'd have them happen, and I often give up.
Coaching was like this for me. I got so excited last year when I learned about coaching and how natural it was for me. I knew down deep that I had discovered a key vocational expression for myself. After I earned my certification, I thought clients would simply pour in to my practice without my having to lift a finger. This didn't happen, of course. When it didn't happen like I wanted it to, I stopped all my efforts to learn and express the craft of coaching and my coaching "muscles" fell into atrophy. It wasn't until November that I realized I had fallen into this pattern and got engaged again in the pursuit of coaching mastery.
I think this distinction is especially crucial for Christians. As followers of Christ, we hear so often that we are to surrender to God and to God's will for our lives. But too often, I think we stop exercising the most precious gift in the world - that of the human will. The power of the human will cannot be overestimated. Just witness the people who, through sheer human determination (will) accomplish amazing feats, even without a conscious understanding of who God is or a conscious relationship with Him (I say "conscious relationship" because we all have a relationship to God, but sometimes we don't acknowledge it). But God's will for us is to have a full, vibrant, dynamic life. In order to have this life he wants for us, we need to exercise our will. We need to figure out what it is we really want and go for it. We need to dream, take chances, strive, and fail. We need to come to the end of ourselves so we can recognize our abject need for His strength. To me, a big part of surrender is surrendering my right to be lazy, to give up easily in the face of obstacles. If we can do all things through Him who strengthens us, we have no excuse to be defeated by this world's challenges. We just have to rely on God to supply the strength that we cannot muster in crucial moments.
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